Funny Stuff from The Web - FunMaster1.Blogspot.com: November 2009

Monday, November 30, 2009

2009s First Christmas Joke

Three drunks died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins

Friday, November 27, 2009

Toys for the 21st Century

Is it just me, or does the world seem to have got a crazier place since we were kids? You know, I dont want ot be one of those old farts who longs for the good old days, but take a look at these gifts, in store just in time for Christmas!

Does this Poll Dancer Doll come with little dollar bills to slip in her little g-string? Goes well with Pimp Ken, I guess.

Take a great, fun, free game, and sell you something to make it "better". Why didn't I think of the Pro-Thumb Wrestling Ring?

An Airport Security Check Toy Set. Accessories for your security guards including rubber gloves, and a black helicopter for "extra-judicial renditions" sold seperately.

actually, I quite like this "Toy Fish Filleting Set". Never too early to teach the littlies how to do it, so you don't have to do it yourself.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Why Men are Happier Than Women

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them... New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend...

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.