Secret to a long happy marriage

Want to know the secret to a long happy marriage? I think this says it all!

iPhone Text Message Auto Correct Humour

Every had your iphone autocorrect feature give a funny or unexpected result? I bet none of them were as funny as these auto-correct funnies from damnyouautocorrect.com!

A real children's book for the 21st Century

Following on from campaigns promoting "truth in advertising" and "truth in labelling", we see the trend extending in to other areas, including "truth in children's story books". One of the best examples is:

(click on image to enlarge)

 Go the F**k to Sleep is a real book by Adam Mansbach and illustrated by Ricardo Cortes. You can buy the "Go the F**k to Sleep" children's book at Amazon.com.

READER ADVISORY! The book contains rude words. It is NOT a children's book!

Here is the complete book (click on an image to enlarge, then use your "back arrow" to get back to this page)

Adam Mansbach’s novels include The End of the Jews, winner of the California Book
Award, and the bestselling Angry Black White Boy, a San Francisco Chronicle Best Book
of 2005. His fiction and essays have appeared in The New York Times Book Review, The
Believer, Granta, The Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. He is the 2010-11
New Voices Professor of Fiction at Rutgers University.

Ricardo Cortés has illustrated books about marijuana, electricity, the Jamaican bobsled
team, and Chinese food. His work has been featured in The New York Times, Vanity Fair,
Entertainment Weekly, New York Magazine, The Village Voice, and on CNN and FOX News.
He lives in Brooklyn, NY, where he is working on a book about the history of Coca-Cola and
cocaine. You can see his work at: Rmcortes.com

Something for him, something for her

I stumbled across the following magazine, which I can only assume is for the southern belle and her outdoorsy husband. Why spend money buying two magazines like Home & Garden AND Shooters Monthly?

And no, this is NOT a joke, there really is a Garden & Gun magazine and it really does have articles on gardens and on hunting -with a bit of fishing, baking and stories about the Great War of Northern Agression thrown in! Only in America!



Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get
another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a
pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just
think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Ultimate True Test: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car
for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who's the happiest to see you.

Getting Married When Older

Jacob (age 92) and Rebecca (age 89) are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass the local chemist's shop.

Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers "Yes Sir."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds "

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "Not much demand for them, but we stock them!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for

Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely....."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "Certainly Sir."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "How about adult incontinence pants?"

Pharmacist: "One of our best selling lines."

Jacob: "Then we'd like to use this store for our wedding gifts register......."

Lawyer in Training

A Lawyers Education


The son of a farmer goes off to study Law at university in "the Big City". Not half way through the semester he has blown all of his money on the high city life.

He calls home. 'Dad, you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in the Big City that will teach a dog how to talk.'

'Bloody amazing!' his Dad says. 'Could we get Ol' Blue into the program?'

'No worries, just send him down here with $2,000,' the farmer's son says, 'I'll get him into the course.'

So father sends down the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the year, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.

'Awesome Dad! He'd talk ya bloody head off. But you just won't believe this. He's such a brilliant talker, they'd like him to have a go in the reading class!'

'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! Jeez, I knew he was smart. Can you get Ol' Blue into that program?'

'Just send $4,500. He's as good as in.'

As quick as the money arrives, it is spent.

At the end of the term the young man realises a problem...When he goes home for the holidays, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So on the way home he stops and shoots the dog.

When he arrives home his father is all excited. 'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him and see him read something!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'It all had a bad outcome. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room reading the Wall Street Journal. Out of nowhere he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your dad still sleeping with that little redhead barmaid ?''

The father groans and whispers, 'I'll have to shoot that bastard before he blabs to your Mother!'

'I already did, Dad!'

'Good boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.

Life before and after marriage

Very clever joke about life before and after marriage. John and Jane have a conversation.