Catholic Joke #2 - Confession

Confession


An elderly man walks into a confessional... The following conversation
ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I
picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I
had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'


Man: 'I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!'

Catholic Joke #1 - Poor Box

Poor Box



A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I
almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you
mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then
I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and
put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box.  He walked over to the poor box, took $50
from his wallet.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave without putting the money
in the box.


The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

How to Eat a Cheerleader

A briliant display from the mascot of the Toronto Raptors:



So many crass comments and innuendos but so little time!

Jesus was Way Cool

Apparently this is no joke (but who could know for sure) but a publisher of school books in India has accidently included a photo of Jesus with a cigarette in one hand and a beer can in the other in a handwriting book.

There has been the usual up-roar from the relevant religious spokes-people and a good deal of apologizing by the publishers.

Personally I think you have to forgive the poor guys. After all, if they are not Christians, you can hardly expect them to know a religious picture of Christ vs a satirical one. Would you know what the little mouse in the picture often drawn of Ganesh means?

Maybe just as interesting is that the picture is used to illustrate "idol"!

Getting Married When Older

Jacob (age 92) and Rebecca (age 89) are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass the local chemist's shop.

Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers "Yes Sir."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds "

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "Not much demand for them, but we stock them!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for

Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely....."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "Certainly Sir."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "How about adult incontinence pants?"

Pharmacist: "One of our best selling lines."

Jacob: "Then we'd like to use this store for our wedding gifts register......."

Best of Friends

Kinda makes you want to sing one of those "why cant we all live together" songs, don't it?

Dogs in the Northern Territory

Dog Pack Attacks Croc In Northern Territory


At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.

The crocodile, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the 'apex predator', can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and 'survival of the pack mentality' bred into the canines.

See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the croc preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the croc.





Not for the squeamish...