Happy Holiday Fail

So we're all for calling it the "festive season" or "happy holidays" to recognise that not everyone is christian and the season brings other major religious festivals like Dawali (Davali) and Chanukah (Hanuka) but we probably need to do a little bit more than this Walmart store to show we are inclusive of other's beliefs and practices (or maybe they have seen how many "lapsed catholics" there are out there and have decided to also cash in on the "lapsed jews" market?):

As we all know, there isn't a single event that can't be improved with a nice lump of pork! Felice Nevadad everyone!

Clothing Store Prank

Ever wondered what was going on in the store while you are in the change room?

My Active Life

When my doctor asked me if I led an active life, I told him about my day:

''Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a deep lake, barely escaped from a wild pig in the heavy brush, marched along a treacherous trail up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and barely escaped jumping away from an aggressive brown snake.''

Inspired by my story, the doctor said, ''You must be an awesome outdoorsman!''

''No,'' I replied, ''I'm just a shit golfer.'

What Women Want - More Life in Bar Charts

What can't be explained with a well drawn pie chart? If there is some aspect of life that a chart can't explain, we haven't come across it yet. Here is another one of our favourites:

Why Women Cry Pie Chart

What women mean pie chart

What Women Want Pie Chart

What Women Hear Pie Chart

But wait, it's not just women's needs and wants  that can be explained in pie charts. Men can also be explained in a couple of simple pie charts:

What Mean Mean Pie Chart

What Mean Want Pie Chart

Best Dog Halloween Costumes 2011

We're not sure if these really are the best dog halloween costumes ever, but they sure are hilarious.



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 How can you beet a crocodile eating dog halloween costume?

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 Or maybe a dog dressed like Sarah Palin is your idea of a funny dog halloween outfit?

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Some people can't go past Jaque Dogsteau - scuba diva dog halloween costume.

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Me, I'm traditional - can't go past the yoda dog halloween costume.

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And of course, how about these collies in their MacDonald's dog halloween costumes?

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 There is no doubt that this headless horseman get up is a great halloween dog outfit.

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 And there is always room for two more superhero dog halloween costumes

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 or if you're a Harry Potter fan, how about a 3 headed dog halloween outfit?

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 This dog thought he would "elf himself" with a elf halloween outfit for dogs

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And this is my all time favourite - a knight on dog halloween outfit.

We hope you enjoyed these hilarious dog costumes from oddballdaily.com. We'll bring you more funny dog halloween customes and funny dog dress ups when we can.

Two nuns are driving in Europe

Sister Catherine and Sister Bernadette are two Irish nuns on a wirlwind  pilgrimage across Europe. While in Transalvania the two holy ladies dine at a local tavern and then continue to drive. A few minutes later, the come to a stop at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Bernadette.

Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking the vampire about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Bernadette.

Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Bernadette.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts,

"Get the f--- off the windshield!"

Tired of all those facebook posts?

Tired of all those facebook posts from friends and so-called friends who just spend the whole time talking about how amazing their lives are and what fun they are having?

has this man found the secret to happiness?

A lot of people see this video and focus on the dog, but I think its the owner that is the real philosopher.

I think I could easily follow the teachings of a man who carries a gun, rides a motorbike, has such a cool mo' and swapped a beer for a dog!

A busy mum's day

Don't get me wrong, I understand that parents are busy, and juggling kids and other chores can be difficult, but take a look at these photos and see if some parents have just gone a little too far?

This is a lot cheaper than a visit to the radiologist

It's much easier if I do the shopping during afternoon sleep time

So that's why they call it "Duck Tape"

Just a sec darling, mommy has to kill some commies!

There's an article in here daddy wants to read

And mummy says daddy can't multi-task

Boy, 13, caught driving with loaded guns, dead donkey

In what is quite possibly going to be my favourite news story ever to come out of the Northern Territory, Australia (and believe me, they have lots of good ones), the NT News today (15 October) carried the following report:

A YOUNG boy has allegedly been caught driving with loaded weapons while towing a dead donkey.

NT Police catch heavily armed boy with dead donkey

NT Police may not have immediately noticed the loaded firearm allegedly sitting beside the 13-year-old boy when they pulled him over for a breath test. Or even the shotgun or the high-powered rifle with 100 rounds of ammo, both allegedly lying on the back seat.

The ute was, at the time, towing behind it in the dust a noticeably deceased donkey.The history of the wonky donkey is so far unknown. But it's believed the boy was sober at the time of his outing.

Sergeant Conan Robertson, of the Southern Traffic Operations Unit, said they were doing a rural patrol about 2pm on Thursday and pulled over a Toyota Hilux for a roadside breath test on Coniston Rd, about 160km northwest of Alice Springs.

"Police found a 13-year-old boy driving the unroadworthy vehicle with a loaded .22 bolt-action rifle in the front seat," Sgt Robertson said. "The rifle had nine rounds in the magazine and one round in the chamber.

"There was also a 20-gauge shotgun and a high-powered .243 rifle laying across the back seat with more than 100 rounds of ammunition."

He said the ute was unroadworthy with severe damage to the front end, the bonnet held with a tie-down strap and the windscreen damaged.

Sgt Robertson said the boy was the only person in the car when they pulled it over.He was allegedly driving from a nearby station towards the Stuart Highway at the time. Police took the boy back to the station and spoke to his dad. They say he knew his son was driving with the firearms.

Sgt Robertson said the man would be summonsed for offences including delivering a firearm to an unlicensed person, failing to secure a firearm and permitting an unlicensed shooter to possess a firearm.The firearms have been seized and the boy will be considered for youth diversion for traffic and firearms offences.

Sgt Robertson expressed concern. "It is very disappointing to find the child was out there armed with firearms and driving an unsafe vehicle with the full knowledge of his father," he said.

"We certainly hope that the fact the father will now face court will make others consider their actions before engaging in such reckless behaviour."

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No, this is not a prank and it's not April Fool's Day. This is a real story filed by NT Journalist Alyssa Betts for the NT News !

A few quick jokes

Hope you enjoy these "dad jokes"

1.       My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am?
          Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

2.       The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.    
          Talk about Dyson with death.

3.       Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.
          "Really, why?" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

4.       My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

5.       The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.  
          So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

6.       A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
          When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

7.       I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.  

         As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin,   3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.

         I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!"

8.      My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70.

         "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."

9.      I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I  could help her check her balance, so I pushed her over.

10.    I start a new job in Seoul next week.

         I thought it was a good Korea move.

11.   I was driving this morning when I saw an roadsite asistance van parked on the side of the road.  The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.  

        I thought to myself, "That guy's got to be heading for a breakdown."

Secret to a long happy marriage

Want to know the secret to a long happy marriage? I think this says it all!

What the? Found Kitten Poster

This is a snap of an actual "found kitten" poster I saw at my corner store today!

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I found the narrative all humerous, but have circled the one that  really got me laughing!

Dogs Who Surf

Who doesn't love a dog on surfboard photo? Here is one of our favourites:

For more surfing dog photos and dog surfing videos, click here.

iPhone Text Message Auto Correct Humour

Every had your iphone autocorrect feature give a funny or unexpected result? I bet none of them were as funny as these auto-correct funnies from damnyouautocorrect.com!

The Simple Things

Want a FREE Telescope? We loved this one - it's a bit short on "features" but you get what you pay for:

Oktoberfest - Friendly People



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Tech Support Request

Dear Tech Support, 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.  To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please!

Why Women Live Longer Than Men

Why Women Live Longer Than Men (from Wikipedia): Women tend to have a lower mortality rate than men at every age. In the womb, male fetuses have a higher mortality rate (babies are conceived in a ratio of about 124 males to 100 females, but the ratio of those surviving to birth is only 105 males to 100 females). Among the smallest premature babies (those under 2 pounds or 900 g) females again have a higher survival rate. At the other extreme, about 90% of individuals aged 110 are female.
The reasons for this are not entirely certain. Traditional arguments tend to favor socio-environmental factors: historically, men have generally consumed more tobacco, alcohol and drugs than females in most societies, and are more likely to die from many associated diseases such as lung cancer, tuberculosis and cirrhosis of the liver.Men are also more likely to die from injuries, whether unintentional (such as car accidents) or intentional (suicide, violence, war). Men are also more likely to die from most of the leading causes of death (some already stated above) than women. Some of these in the United States include: cancer of the respiratory system, motor vehicle accidents, suicide, cirrhosis of the liver, emphysema, and coronary heart disease.These far outweigh the female mortality rate from breast cancer and cervical cancer etc.

Some argue that shorter male life expectancy is merely another manifestation of the general rule, seen in all mammal species, that larger individuals tend on average to have shorter lives.This biological difference occurs because women have more resistance to infections and degenerative diseases.
Why Women Live Longer Than Men  (from the internet):