A few quick jokes

Hope you enjoy these "dad jokes"

1.       My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am?
          Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

2.       The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.    
          Talk about Dyson with death.

3.       Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.
          "Really, why?" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

4.       My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

5.       The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.  
          So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

6.       A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
          When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

7.       I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.  

         As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin,   3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.

         I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!"

8.      My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70.

         "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."

9.      I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I  could help her check her balance, so I pushed her over.

10.    I start a new job in Seoul next week.

         I thought it was a good Korea move.

11.   I was driving this morning when I saw an roadsite asistance van parked on the side of the road.  The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.  

        I thought to myself, "That guy's got to be heading for a breakdown."